I finally turned twenty. The age I looked forward for. The age at which according to my mom I could drink coffee and tea. The age at which I could watch any type of movie. I've reached the age where I've become an adult. Well, truth is, I've done all the things which she said I could at twenty at the age of eighteen itself. So, what do the twenties have in store for me? Probably a year later I'd be deciding what to do with my life, five years later I might even get married and buy a car. Nine years later I could even get a heart attack or direct a movie. Who knows? Well, not me. It was on this day eight years ago, one of the tenants in my grandparent's house, a young professor at a local engineering college, said that I was entering my teens. I felt good. Teenager. But then, his roommate an engineering graduate from a nearby town said that I wouldn't be entering teenage until next year. That day I felt as if someone stole my box of chocolates, I felt sad, depressed and angry. I still remember that day when I felt that I was still a kid. I am still a kid, for people who'd like to look at it that way. I still reminiscence that fateful day every year on April 21st and just laugh at it. Today, here I am, a year ahead for being a teenager. I don't feel a thing.

What have I achieved over these twenty years? My first day at school feels just like yesterday. I was the first ranker in my kindergarten school and I still feel happy for being one then. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, thinking of what to do in school. That delirium is bliss, it's on those days I am with my happiest spirits. I wrote IIT an hour back, I wrote my first semester exams two minutes ago. Yet, the world says that the time has moved, it says, "Man, you're twenty now". Twenty? I still feel like I'm six, playing with my lil' sister, running around the house clutching her tiny little hand. I still think of those days, what if time froze.

Today I've decided to list out my accomplishments in the last twenty years. I've learnt how to cycle, I've know how to get out cheaply by playing cricket, I've known how to feel mighty, I've known a lot of things apart from these. Failing in exams, losing bets, being mediocre. I've proved that I'm bad at academics, I have made my parents sad (probably). My mom wants me to be an engineer, dad wants me to be a civil servant. I want to travel around the world and settle in an Scandinavian country, writing stuff I like or travel around the world and making movies with emotional characters. Once I told my dad that I don't live on food and water, instead I live on cinema and literature. He said, "Life's a rapist, someday it'll rape you too". It will, in the end I might still be a struggling writer working a job I hate and imagining movies being made out of my stories. I might become fat, take loans, become weak and prone to diseases. I might even lose my charm, I might lose my interest in writing and cinema. Ram Gopal Verma's classmate once said that many people have great ambitions in their lives, they keep their momentum going till they're twenty four and then they lose their charm and succumb to the forces of nature and society. Another famous psychologist, I forgot his name, put forward an interesting theory that a person begins to accept the law and society from the age of twenty four. The day I accept these laws and the day I lose my charm, I'd be practically dead. I fear that, I've been a phobic all my life, fearing the unknown, fearing time and the future. But still I've no fear for failure because that's what I've been all my life, success when it comes won't be new for me, success is just another form of failure, the kind of ones which resemble sugar coated stones. It taste sweet when savored, but when we bite, we're bound to lose all our teeth.

My dad asks me, "What have you achieved?". Answer is, I haven't achieved anything. I'm just lazy to even dream of achieving. I'm not talented, I'm not super bright, what can I do? I can watch movies, talk to people and well, eat. I'm just a fuck up in nearly seven billion people. I'm not like that guy who has made $ 2 billion at twenty. I'm not Bieber, Gates, or any other popular guy. I'm just an under achiever, I'm the waste of the tree of development. But this didn't stop me from turning twenty.

A friend of mine tells me on Facebook that age is just a number. True. But our life revolves around numbers isn't it? How many marks have you got? How much do you weigh? How much do you earn, how much, how much, how much. I've had my own share of losing targets, like for one, promising my mom that I'll top my class. Or like finding a girlfriend. The last one has been a regret that I've been regretting for long. As I always wanted to tell people that I had a good girlfriend in my teens. Just like in the movies. I didn't have one, I didn't even come close of having one. But then, I don't regret it today, and that's funny. Life will change, so will I. People can call me a pessimist, I am one, but isn't pessimism the root cause for modern prosperity? Looking out for a good day means trying to ignore the bad ones, but its the bad ones that last long, so why not look for them instead. I'm twenty now, I've had enough of the bad days, but still, I look out for something. Life's a bitch.

Joshua tells me that a birthday is just like any other day for him. I said yeah, true, birthdays are possible only because of our parents. I thank them for bringing to this planet a piece of useless pie like me to this planet. I thank God for sending me wonderful friends who're with me, poking their heads into my arse but still helping me grow. I can smell their love. This is all I want. I am typing this while everyone is busy preparing for their semester exams. I am writing this because, I'm twenty today and I still don't know who I am. Maybe I wouldn't even after forty. To all those people who called, who texted and wrote generous comments on my Facebook wall, thank you. You guys really made my day. For those who haven't, my birthday isn't done yet. According to the time on a few Hawaiian islands, April 21st has just been in for twelve hours. According to the time on some distant planet, due to the stagnation of the space-time relation, the date has been constantly set to April 21st. Wish me. Wish me the entire year, I wouldn't mind. I'm caressing Su's face now. She looks like a darling. I don't regret not having a girlfriend. Because I'll be creating something for what ever God forgets to send. I'm not anyone, and I'm not sad for that. I turned twenty today, and I still don't feel a thing.


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