“34 or 32?”
“Now don’t tell me that you are a first timer here, why the…”
“It is for the first time in my life I have changed my area of service from the streets to the malls”
“Fuck, well, here are the basics …”
“Sir, the Gents Jeans section is on the other side, over there, you could prefer going there.”
“No, I like it, I want to look how I look in a girls pants, especially when my girlfriend asked me to walk in her shoes.”
“But, Sir”
“Fuck Off”
“These damned salesgirls! Never mind, here are the rules,

Golden Rule No.1: Do not give a fuck to anyone
No.2: But do give a Fuck to the Chick’s family if you don’t want to end up in a police station or a hospital.
No.3: Size 36 and 34 means fat asses, and since when did fat asses become the icons for youth energy? So anything below 30 is okay. The size of the waist is directly proportional to the beauty of the chick.
No.4:  Keep your eyes, OPEN!”
“Fuck you Spike”

A hot chick passed by, oscillating a few God given gifts. Something deep inside my heart whistled at it, but my face had the same plastic expression as before. A moment later, Eminem was singing a song inside me, and involuntarily I started singing “The way you shake it, I can’t believe it..”, I stopped in midway, as Spike nudged me.
“Fucker, for once in your life use your eyeballs!”
I didn’t quite get him, but a towering figure threw an ugly stare at me, a turban stay still on his already huge head.
“What” I said, not knowing what to do.
“Fuck Off” saying this, the devil did what his daughter did, shook off.
And Eminem continued his song, “I never seen an ass like that!”

“Just a sec Spike, I’ll be back”
“Where are you going?”
“Pee, wanna join?”
“Tch, I get to see exhilarating aerial views now, so please help yourself, and moreover, restrict yourself from the women’s area, lest you want your balls to be scratched”
“Fuck you”

The acrid smell of the bathroom hit my nostrils hard. Holding my breath I did the required job, which also added to the sum of the smell. After cleaning my hands with the soggy soap available there, I came out, only to be rooted on the spot. A hot chick, dressed in a black tight fit and blue jeans came out of the girl’s restroom. I couldn’t help noticing her beauty, the intricate work of geometry, made by God.

She was adjusting her dress and my eyes could not help but look at her. A few drops of pathless drool oozed from the side of my mouth, which accumulated on the floor below, and forming a mini drool ocean without my prior knowledge.

“Let’s go”, saying this, a contrastingly ugly ‘chick’ or let’s say ‘raven chick’ came and took her away, with which even a part of my weak heart slipped into oblivion.
[Security personnel in the basement of the mall viewing the live footage from the CCTV camera’s couldn’t help noticing a punk obsessed junkie eyeing a girl, he mentally noted to keep an eye upon him]
“In a huge shopping mall,
You made a little guy’s heart fall,
Who just came out attending nature’s call,
Making the world --------------“

The phone call disturbed my poetic mood. Fuck, I already was planning a duet.  Grudgingly, I answered the call with one sole intention of frying the eardrum of the person on the other side.
“Fuck man! Where are you?”
“Nothing, found a funky chick worth a catch, so I am tailing out!”
“Whoa man! Don’t piss in your pants, will ya? Hang on, where are you now?”
“In the ground floor, our little darling is licking some phlegm colored ice cream!”
“Keep the tail on mate, I am coming over!”

Spike was a more ‘cool dude’ than me. He was the Tyler Durden, where I was the poor Jack’s stinking armpits. He was slick at flirting and even more crafty at bird watching, he would have been the best ornithologist (watching bird’s ain’t it? Or should it be gynecologist?)  In the world if not for the voice raised by the so called ‘feminist’ groups.

“Where is she?”
“Over there” I said, pointing towards the babe who was on her way out.
“Man, her physique! Want me to touch her?”
“Try your luck, she looks hot, but I doubt your balls”
“Wanna bet?”
“Yes” said I, believing he didn’t have the balls.
“Look at the great me at action, and get a grand ready” saying this, with an air of authority he went ahead, while I stuck out my tongue like a lame dog, waiting for its catch.

Spike walked ahead, and like an amateur acrobat, slipped right behind her and fell upon her, and a flying second later, they were both down, shocking the other people around. I could see the fury in the eyes of the girl, who by natural instinct kicked Spike right on his crotch, who until then was laughing suddenly started screaming. With a natural reflex Spike sat up, and looked into the girl’s face, and they both returned glares for a brief moment and then,
“Brother, you?”

People exchanged quick glances and murmurs followed. The girl vanished and Spike went after her.
I leave it to your imagination, as to what happened after the incident.

Two Days Later:
Spike came up to me and said “Fuckin asshole, she was my fuckin’ sister!”
And I totally agree with the adjective, “Fuckin!”.


[Note: The dialogue "He was the Tyler Durden, where I was the poor Jack’s stinking armpits." is a reference to some dialogues from the movie, "Fight Club". Those who haven't watched it, please do watch it, as it one of those movies worth living for.

The last line of the story "And, I totally agree with the adjective, “Fuckin!”. " is my own creation, a nice way to use the word 'Fuck', this  line is thread to the whole story!

The movie "Slacker" is not an inspiration for this story, and I haven't watched it yet!

I am here after a brief hiatus, and I promise to be regular from now on! And Cheers!]