I had it enough. I could not bear the atrocities of this inhumane and unkind world anymore.This is it: I intended to end my life.No one stood by me when I failed ti deliver.I was humiliated. I lost faith in everybody as no one loved me. This reason is strong enough to parcel myself to God.
I don't know whether death causes intense pain or whether it's a blissful journey.But I wanted to die the easiest or the least goriest way. SLEEPING PILLS. I planned the D-Day carefully so as to not to arouse any doubts at home.Taking the decision was much more easier than procuring the pills. I felt a bit nervous when I stated my journey towards the medical shop to buy the pills. I planned to walk so as to enhoy my last day on 'Mother' Earth.
All I could find was sadness all around. Children crying for something distant and abstract. A badly injured dog limping across the road.A urchin who was shouting for food. I felt no better; I seemed to belong to their class. After a long walk, I reached the medical shop. I asked for 10 sleeping pills. The pharmacist raised an eyebrow, and asked "Wanna die??Then get lost off this place. Ic can't afford to get police on my neck after you die 'peacefully'."I was flabbergasted and much to my surprise I broke down and ran away. I didn't have the guts to step into any other medical shop again. I was afraid of getting caught. Somewhere deep in my mind a small voice was tellingto think carefully. But that was voice was overcome by the adrenaline rush for death.I had to think of another way. I set out of my house, thinking for means to kill myself.. The idea of hanging myself gave me goosebumps. I hated to be under the grasp of death for two minutesthat too without any breathing.
I was then I had the idea where I could be dead instantly. Jumping sown from a building. This idea seemed perfect for me as it would be a hassle free process. No one would be there to stop me. This was the last time I felt succesful. I went to a small road side cafeteria, just to have the last bite of my life.I ordered a hot 'samosa' and gobbled it up and then started for the last walk of my life. The walk in search of the 'divine' death. It was then a nearby four-storeyed building caught my fancy. I found death glaring at me above the building. The walk lead me to what I aited for desperately. I didn't hesitate. I went up.
It was then I realized that I was afraid of dying. I seemed to lose balence and started shivering. But without any fuss I reached the terrace of the building. I walked till the edge upto the parapet wall. I looked down, It was a small black alley, deserted and neglected without use. An ideal place to die I thought. I looked straight. The moment I wished to come was right there before me. Death was kneeling for me in the dark alleyway like a pitcher plant waiting for its prey.I felt the wind blowing against my face, as if cautioning me against the dangers lurking far below. The trees were dancing to the rhythm of the wind in a to and fro motion as if advicing me not to do the foolish act. The sun came out of the evening clouds as if telling me that there would e a shine in my dark life too. A dry twig caught my notice and i could interpret its message too, that a life once lost cannot be gotten back. But who wants a dry and rotten life, I looked questioningly at the twig. I found no answer. I did not like 'Mother' nature's advice for me. I wanted to be left alone. The sun seemed to understand my anger and slid under the blankets of clouds. It was then I took the step. The ultimate step. I jumped down.
A giant gust of was trying to pull me up from the gravity of death. But death the lone master has practised his trade fluently. It pulled me harder downwards. The fall seemed like an eternity itself. Everything looked fast paced like today's world.Then I reached the harsh hands of death. All I could remember was a bright flash of lightning and after that pitch black darkness.
Light entered my pupils again. It was as bright as the light I had seen after I hit the ground. My eyes were flushed with the white light. I questioned myself, "Is this the death I fiercely anticipated?" i couldn't make it out. Darkness shed its veil on me again. The next time I opened my eyes I found the world's most beautiful woman beside me stroking me kindly. She was my mother. She had dark circle beneath her eyes and they looked moist. I then came to know about my existence. I was alive!.I saw my dad near the door. He looked calm. My parents jumped when they saw me moving. Then I experienced the most touching moment of my life. All of a sudden all my relatives and friends came near me, touched my arm , chanting " Get well soon!!".I cried, I realized my folly in trying to die. I thought no one was there to think for me. But I forgot about my parents in my selfish motive. I planned to die without even thinking about my birth givers. An old man entered and mumbeled something and everyone left the room.I returned to my previous 'darkness' state.
I found my foothold now. I have succeeded in acheiving my goals. I remembered the sun who gave me advice about the sunshine in life. I felt happy and cheerful, but one thought haunted me down. i beceme cripple walk, run or even catch a spoon like before. I wasted the gifts which God gave me instead sulked on the challenges he showed me. I was also sad that I didn't follow the advice given by M0ther nature, about revising my plans to die. The dry twig foretold me about my future; I was going to be useless like it. I felt like crying but I consoled myself. It was my own selfish act of cowardice which is to be blamed. I didn't cry but the pain of being crippled followed me ever after.
Anyone who thinks that the above story is related to me or my friends is simply mistaken. Its just my own piece of fiction. I intended to write this post after reading an article over the internet where a teen killed himself before a webcam when the whole world was watching him. It really disturbed me a lot. Life is a challenge and we should enjoy fighting against it. But we should not succumb to these pressures , if so we will just cripple ourselves.
Until next time feeling sad about the poor teen.
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